July tends to bring out a special sort of stress in me. Two of my three kids have birthdays in July and as for many parents of little ones that means birthday parties. As my boys are still young (under 10) and their birthdays are exactly two weeks apart we choose to celebrate their birthdays together. To be fair we do give them special attention on their birthdays, but to be fair to friends who also have lives we don't make them attend two birthdays in one month. We usually plan the party for a weekend between because it just works out best.
Now I rather enjoy party planning and seeing the look on my kids faces when they are surprised by the theme or cake is rewarding, but as the years tick by I seem to be trying to outdo myself with the grandness of the party. Last year I threw my sons a Lego party as both are pretty interested in them despite the 5 year age difference. I spent weeks on Pintrest and Google researching the decorations, what cake I would create, cute foods to serve, games to play (and make btw), etc. Then I spent at least another week or two shopping for food and supplies then creating the custom made decorations, goody bags and make ahead type stuff. I planned to have the kids spend the afternoon with my husband so I could set up as they still didn't know their theme and set up for 2+ hours on the patio in the heat of the Arizona summer since the party is mostly staged outside and in the pool. I exhausted myself physically and mentally for mildly impressed children and recognition from the adults as having outdone myself. My daughter was the only child who touched any of the party games, the cute decorations were inevitably splashed and spattered with pool water, the finely crafted and displayed food items were devoured and the goody bags were never handed out.
All in all when the dust settled I wondered why I put myself through the wringer. Did I have anymore fun this year than I did last year because I poured my blood, sweat and tears (literally) into every detail? Actually the contrary was more true. I stressed myself out to a point that enjoyment was the last thing on my mind during any part of it. Do you think I learned anything from that experience? Not a ton because I pulled the same stuff during my daughter's birthday (in October) because I didn't want her to "feel left out."
Now at 5 do you really think that was even in her mindset? Probably not. She would have been grateful for any attention regardless of the effort I put forth so why did I kill myself? My oldest does notice the differences in treatment (i.e. "she got a treat why can't I", "Logan got two candies and I only got one," and so forth), but the lasting effect is temporary and he eventually moves on forgetting that there was ever an issue so again I ask, why kill myself?
This year has been a bit different. We have been remodeling our house slowly and this month we had new floors installed (see my post about quality to come later regarding that fun situation) and we have had several family issues come up that has divided our attention. The birthday party is now 2 weeks and 1 day away and I just sent out the invitation. I don't have a "theme," I'm not doing games, and the food is going to be your normal barbecue fare. I'm going to spend some time on the cake because frankly that's what I love doing anyway, but the other stuff is just going to be chill. I spent under $20 at the dollar store for festive "Happy Birthday" decor, plates and such and though there was a moment of guilt for not doing "more" I forgave myself quickly and reminded myself that they won't care anyway. The boys are easy to please and really just enjoy the company of family and friends and opening what gifts they are lucky enough to get.
This crazy rat race of "I've got to top this or that" is maddening and I really need to take a pill and relax. I'm going to accept this year as a valuable lesson in relaxation and letting go.
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