To shave or not to shave?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/06/15/sikh-student-turban-rotc_n_7588642.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000051

I brought this topic up on my Facebook page and got several responses about it and thought it would make a good blog post as I had little more to say about it. So to recap the article Sikh college student, Iknoor Singh, was being refused the ability join his school's ROTC program because he would not cut his hair, shave his facial hair or remove his turban due to religious reasons. A US District Court Judge overruled this refusal stating that it violated his constitutional rights. This ruling allows Singh to participate in the ROTC without having to cut his hair, shave, or remove his turban and gives him time to apply for a waiver on religious grounds. It was also stated that this ruling does not      mean that Singh will not meet a similar issue when requesting full inclusion in the military. The Army has extended their grooming guidelines recently and has offered over 197,000 exceptions for secular grooming in the past so this is, but a small situation. It does open doors to those who may have been reluctant to join the ROTC program previously due to religious conflicts.

My question in regards to this article and ruling is this: how far does this rabbit hole go? See my thought is that this individual is 1) not going into just any job, it is the military and 2) is joining the military under his own free will. This man was not drafted and if he had been I may have a very different opinion. As it is that he was not, this concession scares me. He is joining a government organization that has a very rigid set of standards for appearance. The article says he wants to serve his country. I’m sorry, but there are plenty of governments positions in which he can “serve” that do not require the violation of his religious guidelines or that he request that the military guidelines be changed for him. If we blur the lines for one person or group of peoples, based on crying “religious freedom” then where does the next hard line stop it?

Now I do what to mention that though I do agree with the fact that Freedom of Religion is a right, and one worth fighting for, no one ever said that he was not allowed to pray or actively practice his faith while in the military. Uniformity, especially within the military, plays a very important role. I found this breakdown from an individual on Yahoo Answers while researching this topic and the author states:

“Uniformity is a tool for the Army. It helps instill self-discipline, attention to detail, and the ability to follow instructions for each soldier, and it provides leaders with an indicator of who among their soldiers actually is making an effort and who is just trying to do the minimum necessary to stay out of trouble. 
How crisp a uniform is pressed, how well boots are shined (when we had to shine them, the new boots don't need it) placement of badges are all indicators of the effort someone puts in. 
Uniformity also helps ensure a comradery, and team environment. Everyone looks the same because they wear the same uniform. The only way for a soldier to separate themselves from the rest is either to exceed the standards, and encourage his teammates to do the same, or rock the boat, and hope he doesn't get thrown out.” - https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060730175104AAV8har

If the uniform and the rules surrounding it are not to be respected then where does it stop? If there are exceptions made for select individuals how are those exceptions to be judged and disciplined if not followed? This issue just seems to raise more questions than provide answers and in an unstable time is that really what a government entity needs? I personally think this is a way bigger issue than one person and if it isn’t perceived that way now it will be soon.

The birthday party rat race

July tends to bring out a special sort of stress in me. Two of my three kids have birthdays in July and as for many parents of little ones that means birthday parties. As my boys are still young (under 10) and their birthdays are exactly two weeks apart we choose to celebrate their birthdays together. To be fair we do give them special attention on their birthdays, but to be fair to friends who also have lives we don't make them attend two birthdays in one month. We usually plan the party for a weekend between because it just works out best.

Now I rather enjoy party planning and seeing the look on my kids faces when they are surprised by the theme or cake is rewarding, but as the years tick by I seem to be trying to outdo myself with the grandness of the party. Last year I threw my sons a Lego party as both are pretty interested in them despite the 5 year age difference. I spent weeks on Pintrest and Google researching the decorations, what cake I would create, cute foods to serve, games to play (and make btw), etc. Then I spent at least another week or two shopping for food and supplies then creating the custom made decorations, goody bags and make ahead type stuff. I planned to have the kids spend the afternoon with my husband so I could set up as they still didn't know their theme and set up for 2+ hours on the patio in the heat of the Arizona summer since the party is mostly staged outside and in the pool. I exhausted myself physically and mentally for mildly impressed children and recognition from the adults as having outdone myself. My daughter was the only child who touched any of the party games, the cute decorations were inevitably splashed and spattered with pool water, the finely crafted and displayed food items were devoured and the goody bags were never handed out.

     

All in all when the dust settled I wondered why I put myself through the wringer. Did I have anymore fun this year than I did last year because I poured my blood, sweat and tears (literally) into every detail? Actually the contrary was more true. I stressed myself out to a point that enjoyment was the last thing on my mind during any part of it. Do you think I learned anything from that experience? Not a ton because I pulled the same stuff during my daughter's birthday (in October) because I didn't want her to "feel left out."

Now at 5 do you really think that was even in her mindset? Probably not. She would have been grateful for any attention regardless of the effort I put forth so why did I kill myself? My oldest does notice the differences in treatment (i.e. "she got a treat why can't I", "Logan got two candies and I only got one," and so forth), but the lasting effect is temporary and he eventually moves on forgetting that there was ever an issue so again I ask, why kill myself?

This year has been a bit different. We have been remodeling our house slowly and this month we had new floors installed (see my post about quality to come later regarding that fun situation) and we have had several family issues come up that has divided our attention. The birthday party is now 2 weeks and 1 day away and I just sent out the invitation. I don't have a "theme," I'm not doing games, and the food is going to be your normal barbecue fare. I'm going to spend some time on the cake because frankly that's what I love doing anyway, but the other stuff is just going to be chill. I spent under $20 at the dollar store for festive "Happy Birthday" decor, plates and such and though there was a moment of guilt for not doing "more" I forgave myself quickly and reminded myself that they won't care anyway. The boys are easy to please and really just enjoy the company of family and friends and opening what gifts they are lucky enough to get.

This crazy rat race of "I've got to top this or that" is maddening and I really need to take a pill and relax. I'm going to accept this year as a valuable lesson in relaxation and letting go.

Just another hurdle

Let me just start by saying I have struggled with my weight for years. I overcame an unhealthy weight in high school, maintained that for a few years and then had children. So for the last eight years I have watched the numbers on the scale creep up. I have tried every diet I could think of, tried to exercise regularly, bought the things needed for success, but frankly my willpower against food is weak and each diet failed, I would come up with a million excuses not to go walk or run, and the products I bought gathered dust or became clothes racks. My self-confidence took a huge hit, as did my physical and mental health. I was spending more time and money managing the symptoms of my weight and not dealing with the core issue. So a few months ago, fed up with the roller coaster I was on, I began the ever drawn out process to get approved to have a bariatric surgery done. Thankfully my husband provides our family with decent insurance and they do cover bariatric surgery, but with stipulations (of course). I had to complete weight related evaluations and care for 3 months, be at certain BMI, have a comorbid disease, have a secondary recommendation for surgery, be cleared by a cardiologist, have blood work and all sorts of tests done and give up my first born before I got approved. Ok, maybe not the part about the first born, but everything else for sure. For weeks it seemed like an endless number of doctors’ appointments, copays, and waiting rooms. Despite the headache it took I kept in contact with the clinic often, got my ducks in a row and was so relieved when my final clinic appointment rolled around and they were finally able to submit to insurance. I felt like the light at the end of the tunnel was getting brighter, like my struggle might be coming to an end. I impatiently checked several times with the insurance precertification department wanting to get an answer and get my surgery date scheduled. After lunch one day I called to check one more time and I was told I was declined. DECLINED! Somehow the medical director at the insurance company did not receive my secondary recommendation or the proof of my comorbid condition. Now I am not sure if this is an oversight on their part or an error on the clinic’s error, but you best believe that it will be fixed. I contacted the clinic and they are jumping into hyper-drive to appeal the decision. I want to do on the record to say that I HATE insurance companies. I understand they are a necessary evil and if we didn’t have it we would probably be living in a box with the medical costs we would incur raising three kids, but the hoops and red tape that one has to jump through to get approved for treatment is damn near a second job and it is exhausting. They say do not pray for patience because God will surely give you reasons to practice it. I guess this is one of those times. I am trying to stay optimistic and I suppose the bright side is I can continue to swim for a while longer (I won’t be able to for a month or so after surgery) so I will treat this as just another hurdle and keep focused on the end game.

Calm Down People

This has been weighing heavy in my head and heart lately and I need to get my thoughts straight and I want them out of my head. 

With all that said, I normally, don’t get into political discussions, but recent conversations that have occurred via Facebook have spurred me to break my silence. 

These are some of the posts that the daycare that I had my children enrolled in posted on their public page. I was honestly very upset by them and not because I disagree with the content, but because this is a business that caters to the education and well being of children of all nationalities, backgrounds, etc. Comments like this would be better received on a personal page as they seem to reflect personal views. As this is a business page to promote and reach out to current and future parents it is off putting. When I expressed a concern regarding the inflammatory nature of these posts it was met with comments like "I was simply providing thought provoking material regarding how the MEDIA displays the nationality's differences" and "these are not my personal views" to which I call b*llsh*t. I agree the material is thought provoking and that there is a disconnect in how the media portrays offenders of difference races, but if the content of these articles and ideas didn't resonate on a personal level for you I doubt they would have been posted or shared. With that said I should also mention that there are no posts about how other nationalities are persecuted or targeted or beat down. There's no mention of any cases in which a white kid was shot by a black cop (of which there are plenty to be found) and I wonder why that is. Probably because the media, which is quick to demonize those of a different skin color and uplift or disregard the wrong doings of those who are white as these posts lead you to believe, haven't covered those stories or they have, but the nationality of the individuals are omitted. The messages sent out for others to take in is a little more than one sided. If you are attempting to "educate" the adult public of the inconsistencies of how people are treated based on nationality then maybe, just maybe, you should provide additional arguments, comments, "thought provoking material," that are in direct (or indirect for that matter) contrast to the content displayed here to provide a balanced presentation of the issues as to avoid presenting your business as racist and prejudiced. As it is that your establishment is privately owned you are more than welcome to your opinions and to what you post. That is everyone's constitutional right and I would never infringe on that, however it is MY RIGHT to choose where my children are taught and I choose to have them educated in an establishment that respects the fact that one-sided, inflammatory content displayed on business page could alienate a clientele base so they don't do it. I am certain that the loss of the cash tuition for my three kids will not cause you to loose sleep at night and probably won't be missed, but I hope that the purpose for my decision causes you to think twice before posting something in the future that may hurt others and that serves to simply perpetuate the unnecessary disconnect between groups of people.

It is no secret that the climate of this country is volatile and I am not talking about the weather. The so called “race wars” have reached insane new heights with White against Blacks against Asians against Mexicans against Muslims against Christians against Soldiers against Law Enforcement against Civilians and so forth. It is absolutely dumbfounding as to why there is still so much violence and hate everywhere towards people that are different than someone else. It absolutely hurts my heart that my children will grow up with the stimulus to be bias and judge people based on their differences and not celebrating them as well as their similarities. My husband and I try as hard as we can as parents to counter the negativity that is show in the media , on TV and on the streets and teach our kids that regardless of what a person looks like on the outside as long as they are a good person in their heart striving to do right then that’s what matters. The challenge is what voice is stronger. I am not so naive to think that racism, persecution, bigotry and stereotyping are going to disappear because let’s face it if it hasn’t in the last several centuries do we really think a few decades will do it now, but why is there still so much hate and division? It actually seems to have gotten worse in recent years and it seems like a game of one-uping the last person who wronged a group of people. People are taking this stance of “oh something bad happened to someone else now I must have a target on my back.” People (and I am talking about  people of all nationalities here) are so selfish and narrow minded that they turn an isolated situation about a police officer making a split second decision about a situation with a potentially dangerous person who is breaking the law into a personal attack on them individually and collectively. “The cops are out to get all of us,” “we’re going to be gunned down in cold blood because we crossed the street wearing a hoodie,” “the cops are not to be trusted with that sort of power.” These are the messages that being displayed or at least how they are being perceived. Do I agree with shooting an unarmed person? No. Do I agree with the individual who killed 9 people out of racial hatred? Absolutely not. Do I think that society needs to calm the eff down? Most definitely! The need to blame someone and the desire to be the one who is right has gotten the better of all of us and it is ripping this nation apart. Nothing that one person, i.e. me, can say will change anything for everyone, but if we can all just try to calm down and learn to think before we speak each of us could make a huge difference. In parting I will say this:

Ahhh a new soapbox!

My name is Magen. I am a military wife, a mother of 3, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a college graduate, a full time employee and a human being with fairly outspoken opinions. I have this unrelenting tendency to bottle up thoughts, emotions, ideas, etc and it has become clear that maybe I should put them to good use instead. I am going to be using this platform to express myself about pretty much anything. If I see something that sparks a fire in me and inspires me to write I will. I am open to discussion topics if anyone wants to ask. I try to do my homework before I open my mouth (or type), but I am not writing a thesis here so if I’m off base let me know. I hope those who take a moment to read my blog get some enjoyment out of it. Feedback is welcome. J Thanks for reading and God bless.